Tag Archives: History’s greatest asshole

Pol Pot is “History’s Greatest A**hole!”

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Congratulations to Yonatan Lupu for his entry of Cambodian crazyman Pol Pot as “History’s Greatest Asshole.” Even in a crowded field of philandering autocrats, plundering kleptocrats, a “people’s” plutocrat, and an anger-obsessed Democrat, the freaky guerrilla leader who hated everybody beats out all. 

Thanks to everyone who voted, and here’s hoping for a new contest sometime soon.

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Reminder for Our Poll – “History’s Greatest A**hole”

90275679I’ve been pretty swamped here, with kids gearing up for the state tests, assessments that I still have to design with rubrics to match, workshops I have to present, trips I need to plan, etc.  I need a breather to get some creativity back.

Just a quick reminder that our Poll for “History’s Greatest A**hole” is up and running, thanks to the good folks at PollDaddy.  Please vote as soon as you can: the polling ends next Saturday, November 7.  The poll is designed to not accept multiple votes from the same IP address, so it’s strictly one vote per person.

Next post should be a good one for next week: a look at the minor “incursions” or “police actions” in American history.

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“History’s Greatest A**hole!” – The Finalists!

Thanks to everyone who sent their submissions!  Based on the quality of the candidates, and space/time issues for a proper poll, here are the five finalists (for sake of fairness, the contestants’ names have been left out):

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1. Henry VIII (1491-1547)

Assholes like to make history-making dick moves, and few moved their member with such ferocity as Henry Tudor, or King Henry VIII of England.  Apart from going through six wives–and countless chambermaids–to secure that elusive male heir, he decided to make himself head of a church, which helped lead to centuries of religious violence.  As we all know, all assholes think they’re God, and fat Harry was no exception. Even his portraits are symbols of douchebaggery.  By Henry’s death in 1547, Hans Holbein the Younger needed double-wide canvasses just to do His Lardness some justice. 

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2. Fidel Castro (1926-       )

If Fidel wins this contest, I’m blaming Miami and Union City, NJ with stuffing the ballots (just kidding).  Fidel Castro is certainly worthy of this list.  His 1959 revolution in Cuba created the first Communist regime in the Western Hemisphere.  Thousands have been killed, tortured and imprisoned for defying him and his brand of Communism.  His programs have driven the country into ruin, while aid continues to enter the country just to make the US look bad.  He makes lefties swoon and right-wingers squirm, and is personally responsible for Miami and Union City, NJ.  Yet the real reason he’s on here?  According to legend (and we can’t really substantiate this) Castro made ice cream cones illegal.  Now that’s an asshole!

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3. Pol Pot (1928-1998)

Here’s a wacko that deserves a well-placed kick in the nuts.  Pol Pot led the Khmer Rouge guerrillas to power in Cambodia in 1975.  For four long years, Pol Pot systematically reduced his country to the Stone Age, literally.  He changed time so that everything started at “Year Zero”, forcing cities to be evacuated for slave labor in the countryside.  Almost 2.5 million people, or 21% of the population, died on his watch from starvation, torture and execution.  The guy hated everybody: foreigners, intellectuals, the disabled, even hated people wearing glasses.  It took the Vietnamese, of all people, to end this nightmare with an invasion in 1979, forcing Pol Pot into the hills as his country still recovers from the lunacy.  They say he was poisoned–let’s hope its by Pearle Vision.

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4. Andrew Jackson (1767-1845)

It is now common knowledge among academics that the father of Jacksonian Democracy was also a bit of a scumbag.  As President of the United States from 1829-1837, he was a steadfast supporter of slavery, killed the Second Bank of the United States as a gesture to create an “agricultural republic” (or “plantation republic”, for those with less taste in bullshit) and supported the forced removal of almost 45,000 Native Americans from the eastern US, resulting in almost 4,000 deaths along the way–in defiance of the Supreme Court.  If this wasn’t bad enough, consider his temper: he fought 13 duels, killed a man in one, had bullets lodged all over his body, and even had to be restrained from killing an assassin who botched an attempt on his life.  No wonder he graces the “yuppie food stamp.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Mobutu Sese Seko (1930-1997)

Only a truly global asshole would change his name.  Joseph-Desire Mobutu took over the Congo in a bloodless military coup in 1965.  He then proceeded to create a totalitarian regime unequalled in Africa.  His personality cult silenced all opposition.  Mobutu personally embezzled $5 billion dollars from his country, forcing it into the economic shitter–which was hard considering it was the mineral breadbasket of Africa.  He renames the country Zaire, and forced the whole country to adopt African names and dress on pain of imprisonment or death.  Finally, in a real classy move, he changes his name to Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga (“The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake.”).

I will create the poll in a separate post, along with the dates of the poll.  May the worst asshole win!

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Mr. D’s First Ever Contest: “Who is history’s greatest a**hole?”

Author’s Note: The asterisks in the title are for those readers that might catch this on spam filters.  Check all your boxes before deleting as a rule.  Thanks, Mr. D

71276407As today is a national holiday to celebrate a truly controversial figure in history–part hero, part visionary, part scumbag–Columbus Day is also the day the Neighborhood launches its first contest. 

I’m sending this to all readers and would-be readers.  We need suggestions as to who was history’s greatest asshole.  Who was mankind’s greatest douchebag, bastard, son-of-a-bitch, etc.?  Who in the annals of humankind would you want to kick in the nuts, smack in the old kisser, and dance a Charleston on their grave?

Mr.D’s Neighborhood wants to know.  And there’s prizes involved.

E-mail or post a comment with your suggestion.  The top five will be selected, by me, to be placed on a poll on this blog.  Then the readers decide.  If your entry wins, you get the following:

(a) A one-on-one web interview showcasing your “asshole,” why you chose him/her, and some free publicity about your biz/site/blog/upcoming feature that will broadcast here at the Neighborhood.

(b) A free copy of Gotham, the must-have history of New York City from its founding to 1898, by Edgar Burrows and Mike Wallace. 

(c) A free copy of one trade/academic book featuring the latest research on your “asshole.” 

Sounds good?  Let’s get those suggestions in.  Here are a few ground rules:

  1. Your entry should include the name of the “asshole”, the dates of birth and/or death, and a short paragraph as to why this person is an “asshole.”  Please include your name, your e-mail and your website, if you have one.
  2. Your entry can be from any place, at almost any time.  However, we will include only people active up until the fall of the Communist bloc (1989-1992).  No recent personalities.  No Bush, no Obama, no bin Laden.  Got it?   I’M BEING VERY STRICT ABOUT THIS.   
  3. Do not include deities, mythological beings, or any folk hero/talltale hero/legendary figure who has little concrete connection to an actual person, i.e. Robin Hood, El Cid, Achilles, etc.
  4. Please include factual information about your “asshole.”  When possible, state a source.  I’m not looking for MLA or APA stylebook shit, but I do want some real info to back up your claims of asshole-ity. 
  5. Do not include the unholy Trinity of evil: Hitler, Stalin, or Mao.  They belong in a different category entirely.
  6. All entries are due by FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2009. 

All entries will be reviewed by me.  You will only get an e-mail response if your entry was chosen for the top five.  Winner of the poll will be notified on this website once dates for the poll are finalized, soon after the entry deadline.

Any questions or concerns, please let me know.  You can submit your entry either by e-mail or by posting a comment to this post.

Please spread this to anyone you know.  Let’s make this a great contest to find our number 1 “asshole” in history!

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