Tag Archives: Reality Television

May 24, 2010 · 11:17 pm

The “Matrix” of History-The problem with “America: The Story of Us”

Every basic cable channel in America can be summed up in one sentence.

They consist of hours of reality programming punctuated by hours of reruns of popular programs that have little, if anything, to do with the stated theme of the channel.

I’ve just described Arts & Entertainment (A&E), Bravo, Music Television (MTV), VH1, The Food Network, The Travel Channel, Fine Living Channel, Discovery, Lifetime, TLC, Home and Garden Television (HGTV), and finally The History Channel.

Oh, I’m sorry, it’s now called simply History—as its original glorious programming is relegated to the ash heap of said place.

To understand how far this warhorse of a channel has fallen, look at its most popular programs: Ice Road Truckers, Modern Marvels, and Pawn Stars. They are, in point of fact, pretty good shows. Yet with the exception of the last one, how in the hell does any history fit into them? Did the ice road truckers find fossils to substantiate the Land Bridge theory of Native migration some 10,000 years ago? How exactly does American civilization benefit from knowing how a Pop-Tart is made?

Finally, how the hell is there so much 17^th-19^th century ordinance in Nevada? Those guys on Pawn Stars collect enough antique guns to field a squad of minutemen against the pit bosses at the Flamingo.

The old-school history-heads like myself, who loved to watch Luftwaffe dogfights ad nauseum on the old A&E before the advent of the History Channel, felt cast off and abandoned. Which is why we were so excited at the beginning of History’s new miniseries America: The Story of Us.

Yet even here, it seems that the whiz-bang pace of reality shows and video games have infiltrated American history.

I won’t go into detail about the number one offense of this show: the relentless parade of celebrities that have absolutely nothing to do with American history. Let’s show the battle of Saratoga and “poof!” out comes Michael Douglas with some platitude about the American spirit. Last night’s use of former NY Giant Michael Strahan in the 1938 Louis-Schmeling fight was particularly dreadful: the only German Strahan ever pummeled was maybe Ben Roethlisberger on a good day.

Instead, I feel the great injustice of this series is but one: the Matrix-like bullet shot.

We all are at least somewhat familiar with the Matrix series of films: a sci-fi (sort of) trilogy of films long on special effects and short on any believable plot. The defining moment of the series is a scene where the main character, Neo (played by “cough” master thespian Keanu Reeves) dodges bullets in slow motion through an acrobatic arc of his body—probably computer generated.

Ever since, the bullet shot has become a staple in action films, either missing or hitting their targets. America, to my chagrin, also decided that to lure the young, high-testosterone set required not one, but multiple shots of the Matrix-variety at a couple of points in our history.

At Lexington and Concord, for example, the low-velocity, non-spinning, handmade, misshapen musket ball is seen from the barrel, hurtling towards its target—the shoulder of a Massachusetts minuteman. Fast forward to Saratoga, and a Continental sniper fires three shots, two misses and a hit, at British general Simon Fraser. The framing, slow musket ball shots, and stop-motion zoom seem right out of a video game. Believe me, a musket ball to the chest is not as fun.

Even more insidious is the bullet shot during the Civil War scenes. Before the Minie ball flies out of the Model 1861 Springfield musket towards an unsuspecting Reb, there’s a shot of a Union soldier sighting his target as if he were using a fucking Norden bombsight. Yankee soldiers on the attack rarely had the time to scope their targets with such accuracy, especially with the crappy stick sights on the muskets.

The one point of honesty in the whole process is the computer-generated X-ray footage of what a soft lead low-velocity bullet does to the human body. The Minie ball was a little bulldozer, obliterating bone, sinew and muscle, making any real recovery impossible. To put it in comparison, a single round from a modern M16 rifle has a steel jacket at a high speed, which slices through you like a scissor. Neither of these are very pleasant, but chances are better you’ll recover from the latter.

(Modern sanitation, oodles of anesthesia and a pharmaceutical industry that doesn’t double as a distillery certainly help, too.)

Let’s face it, America: The Story of Us was an ambitious project attempting to show individual important events in the 400 years of American history. It’s a big mess. The writers can’t decide to go in depth or with a broad brush—if that brush happened to be a roller. Even as a survey of our history, it falls flat. Jamestown, then a quick 170 years later we’re in New York defending a British invasion, then we’re on the frontier with wagon trains, then the rails, then the skyscrapers: this was a dog that bit off more than it could chew.

Why the celebrities, for Chrissakes? We loved those tweedy, slightly awkward professors and historians in previous shows because not only did they provide more context, but in an interesting, fun way. Who doesn’t love Kenneth Jackson’s Tennessee drawl on the Erie Canal, or Thomas Fleming’s Jersey wharf accent as he describes the “beautiful box” that is the siege of Yorktown.

Yet above all, America fails because it attempts to get to a younger students’ level with time, visual effects and violence. Through use of “wicked cool” kill shots, America takes the long, often tedious process of 18^th-19^th Century warfare and accelerates fast enough so that you can collect enough lives to reach the next level before Mom sends you to bed. You may think this helps kids get a better understanding of history.

In fact, it gives them the wrong impression that historical events were lightning quick, slickly edited and awesome. There was little awesome in real history: just lots of everyday life broken up by moments of terror.

I know there’s a trend to making every subject “kid friendly” by making interactive games that move in 15-minute intervals to match the little shit’s TV-addled brain, but I’m holding the line in history. A student has to understand what time meant to early people, and thus realize how they responded to everyday life. That’s why we have so many brats that ask if George Washington is still alive (yes, I still get that question.)

Besides, if students are to become good historians (or good college students, for that matter), they have to interact with primary documents on their terms. That means put down the controller, boys and girls, and actually SIT for a period of time and READ something.

Human existence isn’t designed with a reset button and free lives. It’s a series of one-shot chances that create a long, slow, complex narrative that must be interpreted as it is—not accelerated for quicker consumption.

History is digested slowly. Let Mario and Luigi handle the easier stuff.

A Positive Counterpoint to MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

1891 Lynching of Italians in New Orleans

“The little jail was crowded with Sicilians, whose low, receding foreheads, dark skin, repulsive countenances and slovenly attire proclaimed their brutal nature.” – newspaper report about the 1891 lynching of Italians in New Orleans.

MTV's "Jersey Shore" Proof that the victims of the 1891 lynching died in vain.

Sound like a pack of animalistic criminals…or those overcoiffed wastes of space on a certain new show on MTV?

MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is not one of my favorite shows. The fact that every clown featured on this show is Italian-American does bother me, a lot. Old stereotypes of greasy, illiterate and violent “guidos” have come raging back to the surface—stereotypes that should have been buried with the last episode of “The Sopranos.” Would it kill these idiots to put on Brooks Brothers suits and take diction lessons once in a while—they got the money for it, after all.

Lastly, there’s a problem with nomenclature. I’m sorry, Snooki, but “guido” is not a term used with pride. Along with “guinea”, “wop” and “greaseball”, it denotes a time when Italians were treated as second-class citizens, often discriminated and seldom respected until we gradually assimilated into American society.

Yet I’m not here to bury the show. Snooki and The Situation can use all the sunscreen they want. It makes no sense to knock on a show that has gained a loyal following, albeit a slightly depraved following.

Instead, I’m here to offer a more proactive, positive solution to this problem. Instead of violent thugs and lecherous buffoons in hair gel, let’s provide Hollywood with positive stories about the struggles and achievements of Italians—ones that are not in the Mafia, affiliated with the Mafia, aspire to look like Mafiosi ,nor entertainers whose benefactors may or may not be Mafiosi. This covers just about everyone from Al Capone to Frank Sinatra.

Part of the problem is the lack of suitable subjects. If you take away the Sopranos, the Corleone family, Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever, the pickings get a little slim. Yet there are other Italians that would make excellent movie material. Here are some examples so that Hollywood producers don’t have to think too much:

Giuseppe Garibaldi – I don’t know why Hollywood hasn’t done a film about Garibaldi, because his life is tailor-made for an epic. Leader of revolutionary movements in Brazil, Uruguay and Italy, Garibaldi is considered Italy’s greatest national hero for his daring military exploits—often against incredible odds. The British historian A.J.P. Taylor called him “the only wholly admirable figure in modern history,” and was the symbol of Italians worldwide in the 19^th century. He was even considered to lead the Union Army during the American Civil War. All without hair gel or gold chains.

Maria Montessori – Maria’s great for that gritty classroom drama, “Blackboard Jungle” Italian-style. This groundbreaking educator and writer still impacts classrooms today. Project-based learning, cognitive development, differentiated instruction: all have some influence from Montessori’s work with poor children in Rome in the late 19^th and early 20^th century. Her work is especially timely since many of the “Jersey Shore” folks suffer from a decided lack of schooling. If you have any doubt, read Snooki’s expletive-laced tirade against the sponsors who dropped her show.

Philip Mazzei – this Italian scientist and liberal thinker could make a great biopic involving the American Revolution. In 1773, Mazzei and a group of Italians go to Virginia to introduce Mediterranean crops like grapes and olives. He develops a close relationship with Thomas Jefferson, so much so that the phrase “all men are created equal” in the Declaration of Independence was lifted almost verbatim from Mazzei’s writings. He also served as a secret agent, smuggling arms to Virginia through the Revolution. He also wrote one of the first histories of the American war of independence, published only two years after the end of the war.

Enrico Fermi – If John Nash got the Hollywood treatment, then Fermi’s definitely due. The Nobel Prize-winning physicist, who created the first nuclear chain reaction, was an incredibly compelling personality. He excelled in experiments and in the classroom. His work on the atomic bomb stemmed from his own experience fleeing Fascist Italy due to government persecution and new anti-Semitic laws (his wife was Jewish). Lastly, the guy knew that his work on nuclear reaction meant a premature death, which he accepted with humility and humor. It’s got Oscar written all over it.

Let’s work to give our people the role models they deserve. At the very least, let’s show the morons on “Jersey Shore” that Italians can do a lot more beside cause holes in the ozone layer with their hair products.

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June 30, 2009 · 5:06 pm

Bread and Circuses: Reality TV and the Decline and Fall of American Society

“The people that once bestowed commands, consulships, legions, and all else, now meddles no more and longs eagerly for just two things — bread and circuses!” – Juvenal, 2nd century C.E.

The status of a society or civilization is based largely on their attitude toward self-absorption and indulgence.

While the Romans saw asceticism, sacrifice and gravitas as civic virtues, their imperium could withstand any obstacle imaginable. Yet their downfall can be just as swift, according to the Roman satirist Juvenal. Get them into circular arenas to watch animals and people disemboweling each other, usually after gorging on dormice and buggering slave boys, and the barbarian hordes saw just another bunch of saps in bed sheets.

The British ruled the waves with a stiff upper lip, a love of “king and country”, and a host of underdeveloped countries that couldn’t fight back. Yet get them in a fight with European powers (You know, the ones that DON’T use spears and arrows), especially in the 20^th century, and they slog through a morass of self-doubt and defeatism. No wonder we had to bail them out of two world wars.

Unfortunately, it is the inevitable fate of the United States to suffer the fate of all great civilizations. I have been loath to admit the decline and fall of our great society, especially since I had hoped America would learn from the mistakes of Rome, Spain, Britain, Russia and the like.

Yet American society has become soft. Instead of dormice and slave boys, its fast food and online pornography. And our gladiator games? Reality television.

You heard it here. Reality television signals the demise of American society.

If you look even more closely, the more popular reality programs are, in fact, shaped almost exactly like a day of games at the Roman amphitheater. Where Spartacus wielded his gladius against men and beasts, well-coiffed men and women now wield microphones, chef’s knives and sewing machines against their foes, to the thrills of the people. Let’s take a look more closely:

(1) Opening Act –The Freakshow/Execution of Criminals:A day at the games usually began with opening acts like women, midgets or small children fighting each other, usually accompanied by the execution of criminals—later Christians—in cruel and unusual ways. Today it’s the freakshow early auditions for American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance or America’s Got Talent. The judges get a good laugh, the viewers get to see the lack of talent in most of America, but most are cast to the proverbial lions rather quickly.

(2) Second Act—The Beast Hunt: This is the part of the games most people remember. By mid morning, lower-level gladiators are hunting all sorts of wild beasts in a freakish safari conducted on the sand of the arena. The modern version includes the “theme shows” on American Idol, ridiculous immunity challenges on Survivor, the quick challenges in Top Chef or Project Runway, or that weird skills challenge Gordon Ramsey does in Hell’s Kitchen. They force contestants out of their element, and further cull the weaker challengers from the herd.

(3) Third Act—The Group Stage/Mid Level Gladiators: Later in the day, close to noon, the mid-level gladiators, mainly local boys, come out in quasi-choreographed set pieces often based on real battles. Usually squads of gladiators face off all around the arena, providing a cornucopia of blood and gore. Those who can’t hack it are killed fairly quickly, often by their own team members. The team aspects of shows like Survivor, Project Runway or the Apprentice bear this out. In each, the worthless members are ignored, cast aside, or openly sacrificed for the betterment of the stronger players.

(4) Fourth Act—The Main Event: By this stage in the games, the day is scorching hot, and the arena stinks of rotting flesh and blood. This is when your top-flight talent has their bouts, usually one on one or in pairs, before a crowd that hungers for more blood. There are obvious modern examples: the fights in The Ultimate Fighter or The Contender come to mind. The final rounds of the talent shows like American Idol also evoke a mano-a-mano ethos. Yet the essence of this is the tribal council of Survivor. Here, two people are fighting verbally for their lives as the council votes to extinguish one of them, much like Caesar appealing to the crowd to judge a fallen combatant in the arena.

(5) Toss Up—Surprise battles/Sea battles: It isn’t just the reality competitions that often add a “twist” at the last minute. Due to the fickle nature of the Roman audiences, games promoters had to come up with new gimmicks almost constantly. One of the more popular “twists” was the sea battle, where the amphitheater was flooded to allow warships filled with gladiators and ordinance to have at each other.

The modern reality program, especially the competition, offers many other similarities to the great bloodfests of millennia past. For one, there is an acute sensory overload. Roman audiences were on top of each other in the roasting heat, with the smell of B.O., blood, rotting flesh and excrement all around them. Today’s television viewer is barraged by graphics and lights that pound the retinas into oblivion. I’m convinced the opening credits of American Idol cause seizures somewhere.

Furthermore, there is an emphasis on the “fine kill”, the slow death, the drawing out of the effusion of blood. Roman crowds hated quick deaths: it spoiled the entire show. A truly great gladiator could keep his victim suffering for a long time, drawing out the agony until the crowd yelled “hoc habet!” (“He’s had it!” in Latin) and the death blow finally struck. Take a look at any judgment segment of a reality show and you can easily spot the similarities. It may not be a literal gore fest, but it is truly an emotional bloodletting. The constant commercial breaks, the open weeping, the judges lashing into their hapless victims—all meant to draw out the inevitable “elimination” as long as possible for the public’s amusement.

The insatiable need for this visceral entertainment feeds on itself. Go to any part of the Mediterranean touched by Roman civilization. Most of the ancient buildings have disappeared completely save one—the local amphitheater. The arena did a big part in pacifying far-flung provinces and extending Roman control over these vast areas. Turn to any channel nowadays and there is at least one, often multiple, reality programs on its schedule. Remember back when MTV’s The Real World was seen as this weird show about people living in a loft in New York? The newest season of the old warhorse just started and no one cares, thanks to the vast array of up-tempo reality schlock to choose from.

Finally, these two institutions share an ominous distinction. They both work to make their societies reject the very values that make them great in the first place. The games were such a drain on Roman economy, society and government that more and more of the empire’s resources were spent on entertainment, to the detriment of more important matters. This did not get lost on the tribes along the frontiers of the empire, who sought to exploit the weaknesses in the imperial system to infiltrate and eventually subsume the empire itself.

I’m going to sound like an old crank, but reality television is but the apex of a constant drive in our culture of consumerism and greed. The constant need for instant gratification, immediate fulfillment and emotional stimulation over intellectual growth has spawned this explosion of programming. In all this hubbub about Jon and Kate, the American Idol voting controversy, etc. we have become attached to what amounts to a society within a society, outside of the events and institutions that actually affect our lives.

Take my better half, for example. Whilst I was watching coverage of the unrest in Iran and the Michael Jackson death, she was downstairs watching another show on Bravo for the umpteenth time. It wasn’t until bedtime that I actually told her that Jacko was gone. If there’s no ticker feed on the bottom of the screen, she’d be cut off from the world–and I don’t blame her, the poor thing. With the amalgam of crap on television, it’s no wonder she seeks the comfort of other people’s misery.

Sacrifice. Respect for law and order. Respect for government and its institutions. Working for the betterment of all. Protection of individual liberty. These ideas are being flushed down the toilet in our society–and Mark Burnett, Simon Fuller and the rest of those bastards are running to the bank.

It won’t be long before we see fights to the death resurface on TV. Once the UFC starts arming their fighters and going to the death, we as a society have officially checked out of existence.

I’ll be saving the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Gettysburg Address, Lincoln’s Second Inaugural, and Dr. King’s “I Have a Dream” speech for a society that has grown a pair and can say no to its own implosion.

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